A Ninja's Tale
by LexiBaby
Summary: A first person Yuffie Fan Fiction. How she sees the events of Dirge of Cerberus. Will contain Yuffentine. Begins just before DoC. Rated for language, violence, and up coming romance.
1. HIYA! Oops, my bad, Reeve!

A Fan Fiction from Yuffie's point of view. Begin's just before DoC. First Person; Yuffentine.

A Ninja's Tale

How do I get myself into situation's like this…? I mean, COME ON! Out of everyone in Edge, and I mean everyone, I'm the one they want AND THEN I get pulled onto this car ride from hell! I didn't even see the logo on the side of this damn truck. I demand a lawyer! I demand retribution! FREEDOM!!! Okay, maybe I should be so melodramatic, but if I wasn't, I would be me. Oh, gawd. This sucks. How dare _they_ kidnap the Great Materia Hunter, Yuffie Kisaragi, future empress of Wutai! I should show them my awesome ninja skillz, like bad!…But, then…We might crash and die, and that's no good. How can I pull pranks if I'm dead? Plus, I mean, COME ON, dying before you even hit 20? NO WAY, NO HOW. Nun-uh. No, no, and no. And where the hell are we even goin'? GAWD.

_Wow…Look at all this materia! It's so beautiful!! Oh, shit. I only have 200 gil. That's no good. Weeeeeeeell….I AM the Greatest Materia Hunter in the world, the Sexy Grand Ninja Yuffie, future Empress of Wutai! It'd be a breeze, besides, the dude runnin' the place is an old fart. He wouldn't even __** notice**__! With one ninja-rific swoop, I shall be the owner of some damn freaking awesome materia! Whootness, baby._

_So I round the corner to enter the store. Ten steps away. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Wait, what the hell? Why are they blocking the way to __**MY**__ precious materia, huh? NO. FAIR._

"_Hey, could ya move or what?"_

_Okay, so maybe that was kinda rather rude, but they should of expected it._

"_Are you Miss Yuffie Kisaragi?"_

_Okay, what are with these freaks? What do the want with me, huh?_

"_Yeah, but who wants to know, huh?"_

_The guy's taking out his walkie talkie? What the hell is up?_

"_We found her; over."_

"_On our way!"_

"_EEK!"_

_A trunk whorls around the cornor and the doors in the back the bigass truck opens. Not cool. So not cool. Two of the guys grab me. _

_Oh shit. This ain't good._

"_Gitofme!!"_

_They throw me into the truck, great. _

'_Just fucking great. '_

_I try to get out, but there's to many of them. Snap. I try again. Same result. _

"_Please sit still, Miss Kisaragi._

So. Here I am. On my way to my doom. Oh my gawd. I'm gonna die. There gonna…Bake me or something crazy like that, I bet. Yuffie Pot Pie. Healthy and Nutritious . GROSSNESS. So. Totally. Gross. Okay, I'm won't be able to eat pie EVER again…Okay, may I will be able to, but not without a bad thought!…Or not…Uh, yeah, I still love pie. Ku ku ku. Aw, man, that reminds me. I'm hungry. Shit. That reminds me that I'm thirsty. Damn…That reminds me I'VE GOTTA PEE BAD. Freak. Why don't they just kill me now, huh?

The truck breaks. I look around as everyone gets up. Okaaaaaay.

"Please follow me, Miss Kisaragi."

Alrightie. Game time. Get into an empty hall way. A punch here, a kick there. Shove a few throwing stars up his ass while I'm at it, then finally! Yuffie's Amazing Shrunkin Throwing Blow Out! BAAM! Okay, no baam, to dorky. Okaaaay, into the hallway we go! It's your time to shine Yuffie-chan, your time to shine.

"HIIIIIIII-YAAA!"

BAAM! (Oops, least it was only a mental baam.) I ram my foot into his face. BANG! I ram my fist into his stomach and he doubles-over. Wimp! I pull my shrunkin off my back. Okay! Welcome to the Yuffie show! In today's episode our young and sexy hero must fight her way out to the evil clutches of the…Erm, evil people? That'll work. Well, anyway, will she make it out and save herself! Stay tuned to find out! Ha ha!

Sooooooooooo…This wasn't as easy as originally thought. This place is like a freaking maze! I hate mazes. I can never find my way out. Why can they have maps? That would make it some much easier, but, uh, wait, wait, wait…It isn't suppose to be easy, right? GAH! Focus, Yuffie, focus! Ohhhhhhh! Let's turn here! I have a good feeling about here! So, I round the corner and, boom. Kidnap-y dudes.

"Oh, shit."

Well, needless to say, I kicked there asses. When I threw my shrunkin, it was like time stood still! Maybe cause I casted stop. Ku ku ku. As they fall, I walk past. EASY AS PIE! See, I like pie again already, though the 'Yuffie Pot Pie' thing is still an unpleasant though. Who's wanna be pie. You'd get eaten. I mean, come on, people naturally love pie! Hey, hey, hey, hold up, hold on, wait a damn second.

"Reeve?"

He looks at me, all 'I should of known you'd do this'.

"Yuffie! Are you done knocking out members of the WRO now?"

"Huh? What's the WRO?"

I walk up to him.

"WRO stand for the World Regenesis Organization, Yuffie. We aid the Planet in it's healing process and protect it from those that would wish to harm it. I had some member's find you and bring you here."

Reeve spoke in a matter- of-factly tone. How the hell was I suppose to know that?

"How the hell was I suppose to know that Reeve. If you had just _called_ me, your guys wouldn't have throwing stars up their asses."

He looked shocked.

"I'm kidding, Reeve, though if I had had the time..."

I chuckle evilly.

Reeve had been one of my resent victims. It's amazing what happens when one replaces someone's shaving cream with creamed cheese, whipped up into a real nice and smooth goo-like state, ya know, like shaving cream. Funny. As. HELL. I almost laughed my ass off. Literally. He started shaving and everything! He musta had a stuffed nose that day or something'. He realized it was creamed cheese when he accidentally licked it. The look on his face was _priceless_. And, hey, that's one of my lower ranked pranks. When I prank Cloud, I go wild.

Well, Reeve began shaking his head and all. He gestures to me.

"Follow me, Yuffie."

"Whatever."

So, I follow him and we walk into this…Command room thing. Techno gadgets everywhere. He sits down at this table. So do I. Hard seat. No cushions or anything. With all this high priced stuff in the room, they could afford a damn cushion or two. Shit, he's talking again.

"Huh?"

I blink.

"I said, we need your help Yuffie. We want you to head the espionage and intelligence gathering department."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT. Hold a sec. You want ME--"

I point at myself.

"To head, be in charge of, control, if you will, a WHOLE department?"

"Yes."

Damn. That was a waaaaaay to simple a reply. Uhhhhhh, I think not.

"Nope, no way, no how. Nuh-uh."

"Yuffie, please! We need your help! You're the best at what you do! Your prefect for the job. With your ninja skills, we can gather all the information we need."

I sigh, looking to the side. I have a thought.

"Wait…If…I did this…Would I be, like…A Super Secret Ninja Spy?"

I blink. So does Reeve.

"I never thought about it that way, but, in a manner of speaking, yes."

Holy freaking cow. Imagine…I could be- Super Secret Spy Hunter…No…Erm…Super Materia Hunter Spy? No, no, no! Super Secret Sexy Materia Hunter, Yuffie Kisaragi! Anyways, I don't really think I can get out of this, huh? I mean, I'm kinda stuck…Hold it.

"Will I get payed?"

"Yes, you will. 6, 000 gil every two weeks, plus expenses covered. One week of vacation AND a free crate of _mastered _materia."

"Reeve, you just got yourself a new head of espionage and intelligence gathering. Oh, and have I ever told you I love you?"

I grin at the thought of all that materia. I know I'm acting childish, but acting your age is SO overrated. Beyond, even. Well, Reeve. Fear the melodramatic antics of Super Secret Sexy Materia Hunter, Yuffie Kisaragi, future ruler of Wutai! Hi-ya! Fear my awesome coolness! Fear my awesome sexiness! YAY! I am sooooo gonna rock.

"That's wonderful, Yuffie! I'm so pleased you agreed! Now, to fill you in on our current problem. You see…Shinra had a secret department known as Deepground. There, they turn normal humans into killing machines. They know nothing but killing. They have no remorse. They kill because they were thought killing was fun, in a sense. Do you remember the mass disappearance a Junon a few weeks ago?"

"Uhhhhhhhh…"

I rack my brain.

"I remember seeing something about it on T.V…I think…30 or 40 people went missing, very suddenly without trace. Why?"

Reeve sighs.

"Those numbers are highly exaggerated. It wasn't 30 or 40 people that went missing. It was _1200_. 1200 people suddenly go missing, without a trace. The people in Edge say they can hear screams and wails coming from the direction of Midgar. Imagine, the sound of a thousand voices riding on the wind…Yuffie, we believe Deepground is behind this…A expedition force and a T.V. crew went into where we believe the door to Deepground is. In the last footage recorded, not yet released to the public, you can hear the screams and cries of them all as the disappear and the camera breaks…We have to stop this, Yuffie! That's why we need you!"

Shit.

"That…That's…Horrible! This has to be stopped. But what can I do, Reeve?"

"Yuffie. You are an expert ninja. Not only can you fight, but you can gather information that we need. We already found a few places of interest, but we'll go over them later. Right now, I need to text Vincent. I need to ask him to meet my in Kalm in a few days."

"Wait! Reeve! Vinnie, I mean Vincent, has a cell phone??? REALLY?"

"Uh…Yes…"

"I see…"

"Well, I'm going to go now, Yuffie. Please feel free to look around acquaint your self to the building and the people in it."

"Okay!"

Ohhhhhhhhhhh! That stupid Vinnie!

I walk around looking here and there.

He makes me sooooo mad! He gets a cell phone and doesn't even tell me! The jerk! That just pisses me off!! Speaking of Vinnie…Wonder how he's doing…I've NEVER met someone with as much emotional baggage as he has. Gawd, if I live in a coffin for 30 years, I'd go crazy. Totally, utterly, CRAZY! How does he NOT die? Hey, how _does _he not die!? Seriously! Does he have a mini-fridge and a microwave in his coffin or something'? OOOOOOH! Maybe a T.V. too! I bet he watches sappy dramas all day, then microwaves a hot pocket for dinner!

I watch inside my head a chibi Vinnie dance in his coffin, eating a hot pocket while watching a sappy death scene in 'Days of Our Chocobo's'. Then chibi Yuffie, that would be me, swoops in a steals the hot pocket. Then she dance on top of the coffin with a cane. HA!

I giggle as my thoughts revolve around Vinnie a moment longer. I think about the first time we meant and what I though of him. It was a moment I rather relive. I shake my head as I stomp down a hall to an unoccupied room. Laying down on the bed, I close my eyes and quickly drift off to sleep.

"_Awwww! Spike! Do we really have to come down here! It's creepy and bats are EVERYWHERE! I bet they're vampire bats, too…"_

_Spike shakes his head. Cloud(Spikes, which is a duh.), Aeris, and I came down first. I really didn't want to come, but Spike made me, the dumbass jerk. I bet we're gonna find something really creepy in this basement room Spike's tryin' to find. Damn. There it is. Maybe the key won't work! Maybe the locks got switch or the key doesn't even go to this door! Whoops, false hope. The damn door just swung open.._

"_Come on, Yuffie!"_

_Aeris smiles. She always smiles. It's, like, her thing or whatever. It's like her face was frozen while smiling. Well, hey, I have to admit, I like the chick. There's just something about here that's…Likeable._

_I follow Aeris. I look around a gasped._

"_Why the hell are coffins in here!"_

_Spike just shakes his head, looking around. Spike and Aeris poke around the different coffins. There were many different coffins, mostly small ones, but in the middle, was the largest coffin in the whole room_

_I'm stuck with the one in the middle. It's the biggest and it's black, too. There's just something creepy about it. Why me? Why does it ALWAYS have to be Yuffie, Materia Hunter Extraordinaire._

_I cautiously walk up to it and just __**poke**__ the lid. I mean, what could a small little poke do? A lot, apparently. Suddenly the lid pops off and this freakishly weird gothic emo man pops out, landing on the coffins edge! I scream. So does Aeris. __**So does **__**Spike**_

"_Oh, shit!!! It's a vamp, it's a vamp, it's a vamp!!!! It's an emo gothic vamp!!!"_

_He looks at me as I back up against the wall of the room. Suddenly, I feel light headed and begin falling to the floor. I hear someone call my name, but, I don't remember who… _

_I moan and feel covers being pull over me. I blink, slowly, to clear my vision. Suddenly, emo gothic vamp dude swims into focus. Damn. I open my mouth, but he places his hand over it._

"_You passed out in the basement of Shinra manor and Cloud asked if I could help them carry you back. He said something a drooling."_

_I sit up, staring at him. He's tall, like, 6' tall, long, black hair, totally wild, freakishly red eyes, but some how hot, kinda like Spike's glowing blueish-green eyes, tight pants, tight shirt, freaky metal arm with claws, a awesome gun, and a flowing red…Cloak? _

_What's with the cloak? Aren't they a bit…Dated? Just how OLD is this dude…This very sexy dude, I might add…No! Must focus! FFFFFOOOOOCCCCCUUUUSSSS!_

"_Uhhhhhhhhhh…"_

_He tilts his head. I realize I staring._

"_Oh, uh, t-thanks them! Ha ha ha!"_

_I laugh nervously. _

_Damn, he's sexy. Beyond even. Shit, I'm staring! Must. Not. Stare! Gah! I can't help it! Soooooo sexy! NO! MUST RESIST SEXY VAMP DUDE!_

"_Who are you?"_

"_My name is Vincent. Vincent Valentine."_

"_Vincent, huh?"_

_I pause, thinking. I mutter under my breath._

"_Vince. Vin. Vinster. V-man. Vinnie…"_

_He looks at me. I suddenly burst out._

"_It's nice to met ch'ya Vinnie!"_

_He raises an eyebrow. Without saying a word, he goes and sits down. _

_Well, looks like he isn't much of a talker…_

I wake up, suddenly. I blink and look around. I see Reeve.

"Yuffie! I have your first mission!"

"Oh, joy…"

I stifle my yawn.


	2. My AWESOME Escapade!

A Ninja's Tale: Chapter Two

My AWESOME Escapade! (Wait, what does that even mean?)

"BAAM! BAAM! BAAM, BAAM, BAAM, BAAM!

Won't you come and run away with me, oh, yeah!

Won't you come and just play with me, uh-huh!

Come on, Baby, can't you see, yeah, yeah!

Can't ya see I'm in love, Baby, wooo!"

I dance in the back of a WRO trunk on my way to Junon, listening to my favorite band, the _Go Go Chocobo's_.

Why does Junon have to be so damn far way! It's so stupid! Why couldn't I do something in Edge! Preferably near the Materia shop. GAWD. SOOOOOOOO LONG. Oooooooo! I love this part! Weeeee! Go, Yuffie, go! Wooooooooow. How long is this song? It's been five minutes. Damn. That reminds me I have to wait another 30 minutes to even _get_ to Junon!!!! Nuuuuuuuuu!

"_So, Reevie-kins, what's the deal. What must the Great Empress Spy of Super Secret Materia, Yuffie Kisaragi do? Hunt down evil bad guys? Beat someone up to get some secret info only known by head dudes?"_

"_We need you to locate some documents in Junon."_

"_That sucks. Wait, I'm getting payed 6,000 gil every two weeks to do this?"_

"_For right now, that's what we need done, Yuffie. You see, these were documents written by Scarlet--"_

"_Isn't that that chick Tifa Bitch-Slapped on the Mako Cannon?"_

_Reeve sighs._

"_Yes, Yuffie. Now, if I may continue, please. These documents may have clues about Deepground. By searching the Shinra database, we found she wrote these documents, but they were never uploaded into the database."_

"_Oh. Find Bitch-Slapped Chick's secret documents. Can-do, Ree-Ree."_

"_Yuffie, don't do anything stupid."_

"_ME? AS IF."_

_Reeve sighs, giving me that I-Know-Better-Than-That-Look. I soooo don't do stupid stuff!…Okay, maybe that's a lie._

25 minutes? I reminisced about a ten minute chat in FIVE FREAKING MINUTES. DAMN IT!!! Why!!!! Not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa--

I fall over as the truck crashes.

"OWIE!!!!"

I sit up and look around.

I'm sitting on a computer…What the hell? Oh, the truck flipped over, that explains it--WAIT! THE TRUCK FLIPPED!?

I scramble out the back of the truck to see Fort Condor, just visible through early morning fog. (Reeve sent me out at 3:30 a.m., the dumbass.) I jump onto the side of the truck and run to the passenger side door, jumping over the small gap separating the actual truck and it's rig part thingie, whatever the hell it's called. I open the door and peer in side.

"Miss Kisaragi. Something big knocked us over, watch out!"

I pull my shuriken from my back, looking around. Seeing nothing (Well, it isn't like I can see. Stupid fog!), I peer into the truck.

"Did you see what it was or whatever? That would help, like, a lot."

"N-No! It just hit the side of the truck out of the blue! We didn't even see it!"

"Shit. That is sooooo not good, but never fear! You have Yuffie Kisaragi, Super Secret Materia Hunter on your side!"

Even though I say those word confidently, I do not feel that way. Even for a Ninja of my greatness, not knowing what you're going against is tricky. I jump off the truck and begin walking, circling the truck. The monster would still be near by.

"RAWR!"

I glance around, mind racing. Suddenly, something hits my side- A clawed something. As I fly through the air, I flip backwards and landed gracefully on my feet. A flying monster appeared, but I can't remember it's name. Well, I know how to kick it's ass, that's all that counts, right? Right?

I throw my shurikin and it slashes the monsters wing. I catch my shurikin, but the monster appears unharmed.

Well, I AM Yuffie Kisaragi, Materia Hunter Extraordinaire, aren't I? MATERIA TIME, BABY!

"Ice 3!"

I use my Ice materia, one of my mastered materia's. Blasted with an icy blast, the monster backed off. Then it does something unexpected. It shoots fire breath at me. I scream as I jump backwards.

"DAMN IT!! I COULD REALLY USE VINNIE'S FIRE RING RIGHT NOW!!!"

I jumped to late. The flames lick my legs before I fly out of the fires reach. I grab my Restore materia, once again mastered, and use Cure 3. Unfortunately, it doesn't relieve the pain completely, but at least my leg isn't burned anymore. That's a plus. Next, I use my Lightning materia. Casting Lightning 3, I run toward the monster, having a plan. Jumping up once the Lightning hit, I rose above the monster and threw my shurikin down, at it's head. Plummeting down, leg out-stretched, I ram my foot into it's head, retrieving my shurikin at the same time.

Wow, today's so not my day. Stupid monster! Why'd it attack us SO FREAKING FAR WAY FROM JUNON!!!! I have to freaking walk now! Now it'll take EVEN LONGER to get there. Would somebody shoot me!…Note to self: Never say that in front of Vinnie. Now that I think about it, he might actually do it and that would majorly suck, like, bad. I wouldn't wanna get shot by Vinnie and his bigass gun that shoots 3 bullets at one time. NO WAY. Shit, I rambling mental. I better check on the WRO dudes! YUFFIE TO THE RESCUE!…AWAY!

As I jump back onto the truck, I see a mental image of Chibi Yuffie, me, wearing Vinnie's red cloak and flying off into the sky! HA! Chibi Yuffie stole Chibi Vinnie's red cloak, which is, the cloak, actually kinda cool. Dated, but kinda cool.

I peer into the truck to see the WRO members talking into a shortwave radio.

"Yes, sir. Yuffie handled it. We saw her. She's really strong for someone so small. Especially since she's a girl."

"I'll just pretend I didn't here that…This time."

I glare down at them. They look up at me, scared. My glare is irresistible.

"S-Sorry, Miss Kisaragi! Cait Sith would like to speak to you!"

They move out of the way (which is really hard since there wasn't a lot of room in the truck.) as I jumped into the compartment.

"Cait?"

"Yuffie! Long time no chat, eh? I heard you had a little bit of trouble now, huh?"

"You could say that, what's up?"

"Well, we got an update that said Deepground soldiers are in Junon! Odds are they're trying to find those documents before we do!"

Why do I always get stuck with the hard jobs!!! GAH!!!

"Okie doke, Cait. It's all under control. Leave it all to Yuffie Kisaragi, the Super Sexy Materia Spy."

"Thanks, Yuffs!"

"Yeah, yeah! Whatevvvvvvvver! Here's the WRO peoples."

I jump back out of the trunk and glance around. The sun was rising and the fog was now burning off. I here the WRO people talking to Cait about how to get to Junon and about how to get the truck picked up and fix.

"I'm gonna head on to Junon. You guys stay with the truck. HEY! Don't give me that Yuffie-Going-Out-On-Your-Own-Is-Crazy look! I'm the Grand Ninja Yuffie, Future Empress of Wutai! Monsters fear me! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."

They look at me exasperatedly. Well, I'm Yuffie Kisaragi. Since when did _I_ listen to grunt workers. I jump from the back of the trunk and make my way to Junon. The way was familiar, since I've been there many times before I met Cloud and the gang. I'd always head to the materia shop first. The guy running it was fat and slow. Plus, I always had I diversion when I went in. I'm not stupid. Shinra's office building in Junon was literally right down the street. I worked quickly, said a nice word to the fat guy, them high-tailed it out of there before he noticed his materia was gone. Simple, really. Ku, ku, ku.

Thinking about my visits to Junon got me thinking about my last. It was when Tifa was locked up in that gas chamber, and though that was a memorable memory, along with Tifa having a bitch-slap fest with Scarlet, that wasn't why I remembered it…

"_Damn it, Vince. Hold still would ya?"_

"…"

"_Don't '…' me. I'm tired of all the effing dot's."_

_I yank a comb through his hair. _

_We need to get Barret, Tifa, and Cait out of the Shinra building here in Junon and I was the only one that had a plan-- A brilliant plan, might I add. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Weapon was coming to attack and there's always some chick reporting on big things like that. My idea, which is sooo awesome, is to pose as a T.V. crew and get into the Shinra building. It's easy enough to disguise me and Cid, but a WHOLE other story when it comes to Broody Mc Broodson. Yes, Vinnie wears the blood red cape, tight-ass clothes, which, might I add, makes him look so damn hawt, but focus Yuffie-chan, focus. Right, clothes. He has the Claw prosthetic arm, or gauntlet, as I have recently learned it was called, and freakin' point, metal boots! How does he even _walk_ in those things? Oh, did I mention his long black hair and blood red eyes? Well, operation Make-Vinnie-Look-Like-A-Normal-Human-Being, or M.V.L.L.A.N.H.B., now commences. Well, in truth, it's already commenced for, like, two hours, but, hey. I got him looking like, well, I would call it normal, but pretty damn close. Now, if only his hair would be nice and work with me. It's not like he has many tangles, surprisingly, but those he _does_ have are hellish. Well, all I have to say is that Vinnie is a trooper. Usually when I yank this hard on somebody, they scream their head off, but not Vinnie! Though, now that I think on it, it's probably 'cause he doesn't say more than five word at a time, usually. On a good day, sometimes I get eight. _

_I pull Vinnie's hair back into a pony tale and tie it up. I walk around him and gaze at him. _

"_My job is done, Vin-Vin."_

_I look at him as he sighs. He stares at the clothes that I adorned him with. Wow. Who knew I knew how to use the word adorned…Well, I guess he doesn't like the shorts, or the short-sleeved collared shirt with flowers, and the socks with flip flops. Nothing I could really do about the gauntlet, but I did put some wick cool sun -glasses on him. I'm soooooo taking those afterward._

I snicker at the though.

I wish I had had a camera that day. I could of black-mailed Vinnie with that! Maybe got some of his materia! Damn…Oh, well. Heeeeeeeeeeey! It's Junon! Wow, thinking about Vince really makes time fly. Chibi Yuffie, my sexy self, pinches Angelic Chibi Yuffie; A.K.A. My conscious. She's so annoying sometimes, going on about how _**I**_, Yuffie Kisaragi, have feelings for _**Vince**_. I don't need anyone! Besides, even if I did fall for someone, they have to meet the God Father (That would be my nickname for the Old Man I must call my father; Godo looks like God and he's my Father. See? SEE?) and that in and of it self would make any man run away for all eternity. Seriously. A.C.Y. gets really annoying. She says I'm in denial, then I say denial is a river in Egypt. Get it? De Nail, like, The Nile? She doesn't take to well to that joke for some reason…Whelp…Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Off to ransack Bitch-Slapped Chick's office in the Junon Shinra building. This should be fun. I mean, who HASN'T wanted to ransack the office of someone working at Shinra? Sure, the office building isn't really being used now, just kept in shape. Ya know, documents and computers and all that have to be looked after. I'm sure Reeve could of gotten the damn documents faxed to him, but the works in the Shinra building disappeared. Poof! Bye-bye! So long! Well, you get my drift. Anyways, hopeful I won't run into Deepground. That would suck-- Shit. Deepground. Soldiers. Why does this ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?


	3. Good New, Bad News, ChitChat

A/N:

Okay. I'm not all too pleased with this chapter. It was rather hard to write it for some reason. It's not that it's bad, but I could do better. Well, enjoy.

* * *

A Ninja's Tale: Chapter Three

The Good News, The Bad News, and The Chit-Chat

Good news. I kicked those Deepground Soldiers _asses. _But that was to be expected! After all, I am Yuffie Kisaragi, Materia Hunter and Super Secret Spy, who happens to be ubberly sexy. It was easy as pie, not that I'd do pie. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Awesome pun, Yuffie-chan, awesome pun. Anyways, I totally flamed them with my Enemy Skill materia. Nineteen wondrous skills to chose from. I use Ice Breath a lot. Flamethrower, too! Freshly roasted DGS, anyone? Ku, ku, ku!

Bad news. I still haven't found Bitch-Slapped Chick's documents. That sucks a freaking duck, ya know? But, when I do find them, I can fax'em to Reeve. YAY, FAX MACHINE! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Now, if I could only find those damn documents.

Good news and Bad news. I found one of those spinning chairs in Scarlet's office! GAWD. I **love** spinning around in these things! Everything goes around, and around, and around! So much fun! But then the world spins around in crazy circle and I get motion sickness from spinning. Blah. I think I'm gonna barf…

Good news. WRO peoples are here! I'm not alone! They brought another trunk, too! After I find those damn documents, more _Go Go Chocobo's_ for me! Whootness, baby! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. The guy that just came in has an All Materia. Those go for a pretty gil. Ku, ku, ku.

More Good News. Operation Steal-All-Materia-From-Useless-Grunt, or S.A.M.F.U.G. (pronounced: Sam-Fug), was a complete success! I amaze me sometimes! He still has even realized it's gone! HA!

"_Hey, you…"_

_I smile sweetly at the useless grunt that just walked into the room. He looks at me, dumbfounded. _

"_Could you be a __**total **__sweetheart and do something for me? Pretty please?"_

_I pawed at the with my foot, glancing from the floor to said useless grunt._

"_O-Of course, Miss Kisaragi! What do you need?"_

_I lift my hand and point at some files on a high shelf. I already looked through them once, but HE didn't know that._

"_Could you get those files for me? They're so high up and I'm rather short and dainty…"_

"_Yes! Right away!"_

_He runs to the shelf and focuses on reaching the documents. I slip behind him and put my ninja-rific skillz to work. I reach for the materia equipped to his gun and started nudging it, gently, but rapidly. The dolt is rambling on about how he'll get those documents down in a jiffy. I hear a ever so soft click and catch the All materia as it began it's fall toward the ground. I stealthily move back to my previous position and act like I was waiting there the whole time. Ha. That was to easy. I almost feel guilty this time, too. ALMOST._

My sweet, precious All materia. You're safe from that scary useless grunt now. Anyway. That was fun! After this, I'm so hitting the materia shop. Isn't like anyone is there…Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Bad News. Documents still M.I.A. (Missing-In-Action)! Nooooooooo! I've been searching all night! Woe is me! Why won't you magically appear, documents? Waaaaaaah! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why could Cait Sith come! At least he's more fun than these stupid WRO grunts! Hey, hey, hold it! I just had an idea…

Good news and Greater News. Documents located. Where? On a computer!! My genius even amazes me, sometimes. Haha! I faxed'em to Reeve a couple hours ago. He nearly peed his pants! He didn't expect me to find them so soon! Well, that's what happens when Yuffie Kisaragi is on the case. Even greater…Click! YES!! I'M IN! Materia, here I come, baby! Mama's comin' to save ya! YUFFIE TO THE RESCUE!!!

"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. So much materia, so little time. Let me see. Two Ice materia, one Fire, three All, five Restore, one Poison, one Enemy Skill, and finally two Long Range. I'm definitely selling the Long Range materia seeing as I use long range weapons. Um…Sell one Ice, one All, sell the Enemy Skill, I already have that, and keep the rest. I get the feeling that--"

A computer screen flips on and Reeve's face appears.

"Hello, Yuffie!"

He raises an eyebrow.

"And where did you get that materia, now?"

"Um, found it."

"Really, now?"

"Yup, on my way to Junon!"

"I see…And _not_ from the materia shop?"

"Nope. By the way, where are you?"

"I a WRO trunk on our way to Edge. "

"Oh. Wait, our? Who's with ya, Reevie-kins?"

"Vincent."

"Vinnie's there? OOOOOOOOO! Let me say hi to Sir Broods A Lot!"

"Yuffie…"

"Hey! Don't give me that Call-Me-That-Again-And-I'll-Shoot-You-With-Cerberus look!"

"You can't even see me, Yuffie."

"I AM the Great Ninja Yuffie, Vince. I've heard that voice go with that look so many times, it's permanently engraved into my brain. Reeve, didn't he give me that look!"

"Well, Vincent, you did. No need to deny it."

"…"

I laugh.

"HA! Well, anyhow, what's up, Reeve?"

"Did you see that broadcast from Deepground just now?"

"Ummmm…Nope. What was it about, Ree-Ree?"

"Well, a man named Weiss, the leader of Deepground, plans on killing the 'impure', as he called him. His description was rather…"

"Unpleasant."

I could barely see Vincent in the background, arms crossed and eyes closed.

Reeve sighs.

"That's one word for it, Vincent."

"Is it…_Really_ that bad?"

"Worse."

"Eek. That's not good at all, Reeve. I rather enjoy living."

"I think most people do, Yuffie."

Reeve couldn't help but chuckle a little at Vincent's statement.

"Oh, shut it, Vince. Reeve, what do you want me to do?"

"Just head back to HQ, Yuffie. There's reports of DG in Edge, that's why were there going now."

"Rightie-o…Hey, Vinnie?"

"…"

"Could I have your cell phone number?"

"Good-bye, Yuffie."

Vincent looks at me, shaking his head a little.

"We'll see you in a little while, Yuffie."

Reeve smiles.

"Tuesti out."

The screen flashes and turns off. I sigh a little.

"Damn. Stupid Vince. Won't even give me his cell number! It isn't like I'd call him constantly!…That might be a lie, but still! I bet Tifa even has his cell number!…Gawd, I bet Tifa has his cell number!!!! SCORE! Yuffie, you so ROCK."


End file.
